Dostoevsky's A Writer's Diary

In order to practice my Russian I am attempting my first ever translation. Granted it is done by a rank amateur. Here is the first entry in his long running series of articles. This translation has the advantage of being completely free, so you get what you pay for. Feel free to point out the big mistakes. It does seem that F.M. doesn't have a style that translates easily into English.

F.M.Dostoevsky

A WRITER’S DIARY

1873

I. INTRODUCTION

On December 20th, I learned that everything has been decided, and that I am the editor of the "Citizen". This extreme event, which is extreme for me (I don’t want to offend anyone), had taken place rather simply.

On December 20th, I had just read a section of the “Moscow Gazette" about the wedding of the Chinese emperor, which left a strong impression on me. This magnificent and apparently rather complex event took place surprisingly simply. All of it was stipulated and determined for a thousand years up to last detail -- almost in two hundred volumes of ceremonies. Having compared the enormity of the Chinese event with my appointment as an editor, I suddenly felt disrespectful to our domestic establishments, excepting those which so easily ratified me, and thought, that to us, that is to me and prince Meshcherskomu in China would be incomparable more favorable, than here in this issue of the "Citizen". This is all so clear… Both of us would appear in the appointed day in the local central administrative board of the press. Having knocked our foreheads on the floor and having licked the floor with our tongues, we would rise and lift our index fingers before ourselves, respectfully tilting our heads. The head of the press board, certainly, would show us the slightest attention, as if we were flies. But there would be a third assistant to his third secretary and, holding in his hands the document of my appointment as an editor, would say to us in an impressive, but tender voice, the ritual determined by the ceremony. It would be so clear and so understandable that to us it would be extremely pleasant for both of us to listen to.

If, instead, I was in China, I would be so silly and pure at heart that -- starting to edit and understanding weakness of my abilities -- I would feel fear and remorse. For me, it would be immediately proven that I am twice as foolish for having such feelings.

Why exactly, at this time, it is not necessary for me to be bothered at all. Instead of that, it is incomparable trustworthy that it was not present. Also, undoubtedly, it would be rather pleasant to listen to it. Having concluded fine words: "Go, the editor, henceforth you can eat rice and drink tea with a new calmness of conscience," the third assistant to the third secretary would hand over to me the beautiful document printed on the red satin with gold letters. Prince Meshchersky would give a sound bribe, and both of us, would return home, immediately from afar the most magnificent edition of the "Citizen", such that we shall never issue here, would be issued perfectly from China.

I suspect, however, that in China Prince Meshchersky would use all means of cunning with me, having invited me to edit, mostly with the purpose that I replace his person on the central administrative press board. Each time when invited there, I would receive lashings on me heels with bamboo shoots, but I would outwit him. I would immediately cease to print the "Bismarck" itself, and to the contrary, began to write perfect sentences – so that I would be invited to the bamboo ceremony. Therefore, I would be taught to write.

In China I would write perfectly, whereas here it is much more difficult. There, everything has been written down and planned for a thousand years, whereas here everything has been upside down for a thousand years. There I would inevitably write clearly. I do not know who would begin to read me. Here, to encourage readership, it is even more favorable to write unclearly. Only in the “Moscow Gazette”, editorials are written in one and a half columns and cause a great surprise because they are clear. In the "Voice" they are written to eight, ten, twelve, and even thirteen columns. So, this is how many columns they consider necessary to make people respect you.

Here, speaking with others is a science, that is at first sight, perhaps, the same as in China. Like there, there are some extremely simplified and solely scientific techniques. Before, for example, "I understand nothing," was a nonsense saying to them, but now it brings great honor. It is necessary to say with openness and with pride, "I do not understand religion; I understand nothing in Russia; I understand absolutely nothing in art,” and you immediately put yourself on a pedestal, which is especially advantageous if you really do understand nothing.

Instead, this simple technique proves nothing. In effect, everyone suspects another of emptiness without any thoughtfulness and without any self-criticism like, “am I really stupid?” This position is ever pleasing, but instead no one is pleased with it, and everyone becomes angry. Presently, thoughtfulness is nearly impossible, and it has heavy costs. If you want to try to tell the truth buy prepackaged ideas. They are sold everywhere, sometimes even given away, but they manage to cost even more. People start to deny this fact. Instead of benefits, more troubles occur.

Perhaps we the same as China, but instead we are without order. We have only begun the process that in China is already ending. We shall undoubtedly come to the same end, but when? To accept a thousand volumes of ceremonies, which gives us the right to not think. We should at least have a thousand years of thoughtfulness. In addition, nobody wants to go faster, because nobody is prepared to think about it.

The truth is that if nobody wants to reflect, it is easier for the Russian writer. Yes, it is true that it is both easier and an obstacle both to the writer and his publisher for being contemplative. Still it is even harder for the writer who wants to study and understand.

There are those who write frankly and say that already a droplet has been understood and wish to state the whole idea immediately. He needs to find only one little man, even if he is employed, and only talk to him. All being equal, this position is disgusting. Why should I issue a journal for my own pleasure? I strongly suspect that the “Citizen” will be talking to himself for his own amusement. To talk like a psychologist, which itself designates a predisposition to insanity, “The ‘Citizen’ should speak to all citizens, which is the cause of all of its problems!”

So here I have attached myself to this publication. My position is very uncertain. But I shall be able to speak to myself, as if to amuse myself, in the form of this diary, be that as it may. What should I write about? I shall write about everything that shall amaze me or shall cause me to ponder. If I find a reader and, God forbid, an opponent, I understand that it is essential to write for and to know my readers. To this end, I shall try to teach myself, because for us it the most difficult part of writing. The opponents are various, and not everyone will engage in conversation. I shall tell one fable, which I heard recently. It is said that this fable is very old, perhaps of Indian origin, which is promising.

Once upon a time a pig argued with a lion and challenged him duel. On turning back home, he changed his mind and became afraid. The entire herd gathered, considered, and decided so:

“Look here pig, nearby is one hole; go there and tumble down into it. You will see that you will be covered in muck.”

The pig did so. The lion came, smelled him, frowned and went away. Long afterwards, the pig was praised, and the lion was afraid that he had escaped from the duel.

Here is the fable. Certainly, lions are not present with us, not in our climate, which is too majestic. But consider instead that the lion is the decent person whom everyone is obliged to be, and the moral person will leave the same way.

By the way, I shall still tell an introduction.

Once, talking with the deceased Herzen, I praised him greatly for his one composition, "From the other Shore”. To my great satisfaction, Mikhail Petrovich Pogodin, also praised this work in an excellent and most interesting article from abroad. This book is written in the form of a conversation between two people: Herzen and his opponent.

--"And what I enjoy the most, is that your opponent is also very intelligent. I agree that in many cases he puts you to shame.”

--‘Yes in fact in that and in the entire piece.” – Herzen laughed.

--“I shall tell you an anecdote. There was a time when I was in Petersburg, Belinsky dragged me with him, and I had to sit and listen to an article which passionately said, ‘A conversation between Mr. A-- and Mr B--’ (This has been included in a collection of his works) In this article Mr. A--, who is certainly Belinsky, is exposed to a very clever Mr. B--, his opponent is stupider. When the conversation was over, with a feverish expectation, he asked me, “Well, what do you think?”

“Yes it is good, very good, and it is clear, that you are very clever. It is only hunting for you to waste time with such a fool.”

Belinsky threw himself upon the couch, buried his head in the pillow, and cried laughing, nearly wetting himself,

“You’re killing me! You’re killing me!”